Asynchronous meetings promise to save time, reduce interruptions, and improve team outcomes. That is… if you don’t sabotage them from the start. Ready to make every async meeting a disaster? Follow this foolproof guide:
1. Provide a Purpose That Is Delightfully Ambiguous
Why tell people exactly what you need when you can send them on a treasure hunt?
“Please share your thoughts” is the best way to get everything. You’ll hear about workplace culture and pizza topping choices.
⛔ Pro failure move: Use “Quick update needed” without specifying what kind of update or why anyone should care.
2. Provide Context on a Need-to-Know Basis (And Nobody Needs to Know)
Why burden people with why they’re doing something? Context is overrated!
🏅 Champion move: Reference previous conversations that weren’t documented anywhere. “As we all remember from our hallway chat last Thursday…”
3. Instructions? Let People Figure It Out!
Nothing sharpens critical thinking like making colleagues figure out what you want.
🤓 Expert level: Change your expectations without telling anyone. Then, express disappointment when they follow your original guidelines.
4. Deadlines Are Just Suggestions
“When you get a chance” is the perfect deadline for tasks you don’t actually want to be completed.
💯 Advanced technique: Say “EOD” without specifying which day or time zone. Let people guess whether you mean Eastern, Pacific, or Australian Eastern Standard Time.
5. Platform Roulette: Spread the Joy Across All Tools
Why use one tool when you can use seven? Nothing shows “I value your time” like making people search for info across Slack, email, Google Docs, Notion, and that new platform only a few use.
🏋🏿♂️ Power move: Begin in Slack, switch to email, and wrap up in a new document without connecting to earlier chats.
By the time you’ve toggled between platforms, you’ll forget why you scheduled the meeting in the first place. Bonus points if you introduce a new tool halfway through and forget to give people access.
6. Follow-Up Is For The Weak
Once people have contributed, leave them wondering forever what happened to their input. Did it disappear into the void? Was it helpful? Did anyone read it? The mystery keeps workplace engagement high!
👩🏫 Master class: Implement decisions completely different from what was discussed without explaining why.
7. Invite The World (It’s an Inclusive Workplace!)
If three people can solve a problem, imagine what thirty can do! Copy everyone remotely connected to the project—their notification anxiety is a small price to pay for your thoroughness.
👉 Expert maneuver: Bring in executives without context. Then panic when they ask pointed questions about minor details.
The Ultimate Async Meeting Destruction Checklist
✅ Purpose so vague it could apply to literally any workplace situation.
✅ Zero context about why this matters or how it connects to anything else.
✅ Instructions that contradict themselves at least twice.
✅ Deadlines expressed as “soon” or “ASAP.”
✅ Use at minimum four different platforms.
✅ Never acknowledge or summarize what was shared.
✅ CC half the company “just to keep everyone in the loop.”
Follow these steps, and your team will want to return to those 3-hour meetings they once disliked. After all, nothing builds appreciation for bad meetings like experiencing categorically worse ones.
Want async to actually save time and reduce stress?
Register for the April 30 MasterClass: Run Async Meetings That Actually Work!
👉 Register here (FREE before April 15)
Good news! Asynchronous meetings can save time and improve collaboration—when they’re thoughtfully designed. If you’re ready to move from trial-and-error to clarity and confidence, register for this 50-minute online MasterClass to…
Jumpstart Your Next Meeting!
Learn how to:
✔ Design async meetings people actually engage with
✔ Choose the right tools and formats for your team
✔ Avoid common pitfalls that waste time or trust
✔ Build repeatable workflows and templates you can use immediately
✨Make your next meeting one that people thank you for not scheduling! ✨